Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
