I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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