im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
