the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
