I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
