you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
