u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
