Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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