kristin has been a bad kristin
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
