If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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