The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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