Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
