You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize