Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
