I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
