I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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