i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I want to have your abortion
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
