I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just forgot I was standing up.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
