she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
