Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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