Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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