it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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