hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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