I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
