he thought i was a dude.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
