As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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