Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
