So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
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Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
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It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize