you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
