my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't think brook has ever known best
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
