life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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