I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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