she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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