The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he fucked my hip out of place.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want nice things and good sex
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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