that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We don't watch enough power rangers
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
