I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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