I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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