whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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