didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
