So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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