You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
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I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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