hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
