i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
