and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize