Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
