I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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