I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
