she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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