I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
