I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it's great music for shaving your balls
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
