it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
