He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
