mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
