His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I want her autograph on my taint
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
