im drinking this country out of the recession.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
