i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
