i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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