One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
