Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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