tonight lets celebrate not being married
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
where are my pants?
in the oven.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
