Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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