Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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