It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
