Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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