I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
