my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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