Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(803): View more from South Carolina

You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo

Fav 35 4424 911
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.

Fav 66 832 4619
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(801): View more from Utah

He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.

Fav 79 9354 3554
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.

Fav 15 1813 5673
share tweet
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(805): View more from California

my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.

Fav 16 7299 1328
share tweet
(319): View more from Iowa

Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.

Fav 10 3934 1669
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(619): View more from California

We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.

Fav 8 3927 1260
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(775): View more from Nevada

You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass

Fav 5 841 626
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(224): View more from Illinois

We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"

Fav 2 730 263
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT