Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Can Purell be used as lube?

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  (512): Can Purell be used as lube? http://tfl.nu/e9pj
  Replies (37) Good night (764) Bad night (4112)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.

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  (910): that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time. http://tfl.nu/0332
  Replies (11) Good night (918) Bad night (3675)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.

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  (781): Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning. (1-781): I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon. http://tfl.nu/wxu1
  Replies (19) Good night (6238) Bad night (754)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.

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  (973): I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance. http://tfl.nu/0bj8
  Replies (13) Good night (4375) Bad night (976)
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  (760): View more from California

  so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?

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  (760): so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost? http://tfl.nu/osjc
  Replies (21) Good night (3093) Bad night (7056)
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  (631): View more from New York

  his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores

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  (631): his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores http://tfl.nu/t2gu
  Replies (6) Good night (2311) Bad night (1605)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.

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  (620): Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed. http://tfl.nu/m5ja
  Replies (7) Good night (3344) Bad night (1028)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer

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  (814): Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer http://tfl.nu/nk2m
  Replies (6) Good night (2478) Bad night (906)
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  (530): View more from California

  On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.

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  (530): On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite. http://tfl.nu/tnfr
  Replies (9) Good night (4095) Bad night (768)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.

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  (303): U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up. http://tfl.nu/8u2m
  Replies (3) Good night (1205) Bad night (854)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro

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  (404): I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro http://tfl.nu/8m8i
  Replies (5) Good night (1244) Bad night (710)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.

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  (678): It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes. http://tfl.nu/rtfu
  Replies (3) Good night (1367) Bad night (630)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.

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  (630): It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again. http://tfl.nu/c0k2
  Replies (1) Good night (822) Bad night (415)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising

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  (248): Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising http://tfl.nu/k4n8
  Replies (3) Good night (613) Bad night (461)
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  (619): View more from California

  I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.

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  (619): I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him. http://tfl.nu/tvqh
  Replies (1) Good night (609) Bad night (229)

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