Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...