Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.