You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
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I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"