Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
