I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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