WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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