was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
