Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize