i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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