Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
