Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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